I’m very proud of my daughter.
A friend of my daughter asked her if she knew what happened between her and so-N-so. My daughter said she did not want to know and get into that drama.
I was very proud of my daughter. I think she is wise to understand that she already has enough to worry about and adding other people’s trouble onto herself is not a good way to spend her time.
If her friend had approached her in a different way, my daughter would have offered to listen to her.
Do you know what the difference is in my daughter NOT wanting to hear and offering to listen? The first sentence.
The first sentence is the difference between gossip and confiding. Gossip is information about the lives of other people that are really non of your business. Confiding it to tell someone something in private that you trust for advice or redirection.
The first sentence sets the tone. When you gossip, the first sentence is, “Did you hear about…?”, or “Do you know what happened?” or “Can you believe…?”. What is the motive? Do you want someone on your side? Do you want someone to look bad and ‘help’ your friend feel the same way you do?
When you are confiding in someone your first sentence has a different tone like, “I need your advice,” or “Can you pray with me about something?”, or “Something is bothering me and I need a biblical perspective.” Asking for prayer is a whole different tone and it seems you want a whole different outcome. When you confide in someone, you are seeking the best for you because you have a problem you want to work through with a friend and God and you want the best for the others involved too.
Next time you talk to a friend, choose your first sentence wisely. Will it diffuse drama or add fuel to the fire?